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"Oh, well, who wouldn't want to go back?  It's an amazing opportunity.  To go back in time, you know?  See gladiators, and watch dinosaurs with my own eyes.  Have sex with a pilgrim?  That's all I wanted.  I want to go back.  It's neat.  Who wouldn't want to go back?"

 

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SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED

 

2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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THE EXPENDABLES 2

(R) jjj    

 "THE EXPENDABLES is unhealthy fast food action cinema for those craving their guilty-pleasured fixes..."

 

 
 

 

 
 

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James Gunn: The Guardian of Science Fiction's Future - Why his 'Guardian of the Galaxy' is the most surprising - and unlikely - hit of 2014..

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DIVERGENT

 

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Great Graphic Novel Film Adaptations 

 

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BEST FILMS of 2013

 

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THE EXPENDABLES 3  (PG-13))jj1/2

"How hard can it be to kill ten men?!"

 

I'm not altogether sure what a third EXPENDABLES film could already show me that the two other previous films in the franchise didn’t already.  The premise for the overall series – let’s dig up action film royalty from the 1980’s and populate as many of them as possible in one film that pays loving homage to such intellectually vacant, wantonly violent, and innocuously enjoyable films – offers up ample promises, which the first EXPENDABLES film somewhat catered to... 

 

Posted August 22, 2014

LET'S BE COPS (R))jjj

What's the worst that could happen...right?

LET’S BE COPS has a premise that is preposterous and never once feels credible on any level whatsoever.  It’s the kind of film that seems to take place in some kind of beyond-obvious fictional fantasyland where rules, regulations, and, most importantly, consequences for ill-conceived actions barely exist.  Yet, LET’S BE COPS is a frequently hysterical buddy comedy that gets by considerably on the effortless comedic charm of its two main actors. .. 

Posted August 22, 2014

INTO THE STORM  (PG-13))j1/2

The eye of this storm contains ample soap opera melodrama

INTO THE STORM is barely a movie.  It’s a series of gimmicks and a glossy visual effects demo reel masquerading as a movie.  I guess that I would aptly describe it as a “found footage disaster film,” yet the film has an extremely shaky foundation in terms of having a valid and unifying reason to even utilize found footage as part of a unifying premise...

Posted August 22, 2014

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

(PG-13))jj

A shell-shocked reboot

Cinematic reboots should, I feel, dramatically revitalize their subject matter for contemporary audiences while remaining faithful to it.  The newest silver screen TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES film – the fifth version to hit theaters since the very first live action iteration was released 24 years ago – certainly makes concentrated attempts to reinvigorate the long-standing franchise with some new myth-busting ideas... 

Posted August 15, 2014

LIFE ITSELF  (R))jjj

A thoroughly poignant tribute to an American icon of the movies

I still own my copy of the 1992 edition of Roger Ebert’s Movie Home Companion.  I purchased it at a  bookstore in North Dakota that year and it was the very first book of film criticism that I even owned.  I read it in its entirety – every review, every article, and every interview – from cover to cover during that summer...

Posted August 15, 2014

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

(PG-13))jjjj

They have "12 per cent of a plan" to save the universe

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY – the tenth film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe film canon – is one of the most implausibly entertaining summer films to emerge in an awfully long time.  “Implausible” in the sense that the studio tapped the relatively unproven writer/director James Gunn (SLITHER and SUPER) to helm a near $200 million sci-fi fantasy.  If that were not head-scratching enough... 

Posted August 8, 2014

HERCULES (PG-13))jj

Mighty...this film ain't

 

HERCULES feels like a film that was written by nine-year-old boys for nine-year-old boys.  The child in me kind of dug it, but the adult in me was kind of incessantly bored with it.  I guess if one considers the target demographic audience, HERCULES essentially delivers on its promise of video game inspired sword and sandal action and intrigue... 

 

Posted August 8, 2014

LUCY (R))j  

This sci-fi film only uses one per cent of its brain

Luc Besson’s sci-fi thriller LUCY has been applauded in critical circles for its inspired ridiculousness.  It’s a film that you just have to “go with” says many.  I have nothing wrong with any film that has a go-for-broke insanity about it, but only as long as its sticks to its inherent silliness.  Alas, the damning problem with LUCY...  

Posted August 8, 2014

SABOTAGE (R))jjj  

An action thriller of surprisingly un-Au-nald like proportions

Those of you journeying out to see SABOTAGE and expecting a fine return to pre-politician, action- hero- films- of- yesteryear form from Arnold Schwarzenegger may be setting themselves up for some supreme disappointment.  The trailers for writer/director David Ayer’s modestly budgeted $35 million crime thriller certainly promised, on some levels, the cheesy, intellectually vacant, and entertainingly disposable hard-R rated action vehicles that made Au-nald a bona fide star in the 80’s and 90’s...  

Posted August 8, 2014

SEX TAPE (R))jj

Should be erased

You know, for a film that’s supposed to be a sex comedy – and the fact that it also has the word “sex” in its title – there's very little in the way of hearty laughs or, hell, even eroticism in SEX TAPE, a new comedy can’t ever decided what kind of tone its aiming for..  

Posted July 29, 2014

SNOWPIERCER (R))jjj1/2

A post-apocalyptic runaway train

To use the phrase “unlike anything I’ve seen before” in just about any film review feels like an overused cliché (and I’m certainly guilty of exploiting it from time to time).  Alas, trust me when I say that you will most likely not see another post-apocalyptic sci-fi thriller quite like South Korean filmmaker Boon Joon-Ho’s SNOWPIERCER, which hurtles itself at viewers with a reckless abandon, a daring originality, and, quite frankly, an endlessly provocative lunacy and strangeness that stays with viewers after seeing it...  

Posted July 29, 2014

DOM HEMINGWAY (R))jjj

Jude Law at his most lovably coarse and crude

Richard Shepard’s black comedy/crime drama DOM HEMINGWAY goes brazenly for broke in its opening scene and never once apologizes for itself, nor does it sheepishly look back.  The introductory monologue is also a rallying cry for the reinvention of Jude Law, who seems to be breaking the fourth wall and bellowing to the audience to forget his past resume of playing relative good guys...  

Posted July 29, 2014

DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

(PG-13))jjjj

Caesar...is...home

2011’s RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES had the unenviable and thankless task of rebooting one of the most iconic film franchises in motion picture history, especially coming in the wake of Tim Burton’s decidedly so-so 2001 retrofitted effort.  Amazingly, RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES was a rather effective re-imagining of the origins of the man versus damn, dirty, talking ape genre, which combined cutting edge visual effects and empowered storytelling to leave a refreshingly lasting impression...  

Posted July 18, 2014

TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION

(PG-13))1/2j

Same Michael Bayian shit, different day

I began my review of 2011’s TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON – the third film in the series that I prayed to the movie gods would end with it – as follows...  

Posted July 18, 2014

TAMMY (R))j

A road comedy that positively has no gas in the tank

TAMMY is an utter comedic dead zone.  You know you’re in trouble when a film opens with a would-be uproarious scene of a character trying to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on some fresh road kill that she just struck with her vehicle.  Hardy har.  Worse yet is that the film – when it’s not pathetically attempting to elicit hearty laughter from viewers – tries to be a touching and poignant family drama...  

Posted July 10, 2014

THE FAULT IN OUR STARS  

(PG-13))jjj1/2

Finding in love under extraordinary circumstances 

 

THE FAULT IN OUR STARS walks up a very slippery and problematic cinematic slope.  It traverses between two subgenres that, when done poorly, can come off as manipulative poppycock: the coming-of-age teen romance drama and the terminal cancer tearjerker.  Yet, THE FAULT IN OUR STARS manages – through strong and perceptive writing, wonderfully nuanced lead performances, and a keen and observantly told love story – to overcome the typical pratfalls and conventions of these types of films... 

 

Posted July 10, 2014

WINTER'S TALE (PG-13))1/2j

Romance, fantasy, flying horses, a snarling Russell Crowe, and Will Smith as Satan

WINTER’S TALE is a film of unintentional silliness and unpardonable wretchedness, made all the more head scratching based on the fact that it contains multiple Oscar nominated actors that I’ve admired for years that embarrass themselves throughout its 129 minutes.  I can certainly see a kernel of ambitiousness with the underlining story here – a supernatural love story that spans multiple centuries, adapted from the 1983 novel of the same name by Mark Helprin...  

Posted July 4, 2014

JERSEY BOYS (R)) jj1/2

Clint Eastwood's adaptation of the Broadway stage musical is not a toe-tapping delight

The central irony of JERSEY BOYS – a loose film adaptation of the Tony Award winning jukebox musical of the same name – is that it chronicles one of the most iconic pop groups in recording history... and manages to be somewhat tone deaf throughout.  Of course, JERSEY BOYS tells the obligatory rags-to-riches tale of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons...  

Posted June 27, 2014

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2

(PG) jjjj  

Soars even higher and more grandly than the original

This isn’t right.  It just isn’t.  Animated sequels – or sequels in general, for that matter – have no business being as good as HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2. Alas, the technological and storytelling wizards behind Dreamworks’ follow-up to their surprise 2010 smash hit manages to fully match, if not surpass, the aesthetic palette of the first film, but it also daringly executes a fully realized story that further develops the characters and themes...  

Posted June 27, 2014

ENDLESS LOVE (PG-13) j1/2

Endless...romantic...drivel

 

ENDLESS LOVE is a remake to a 1981 Franco Zeffirelli film that I have not seen, which in turn was based on the 1979 Scott Spencer novel of the same name that I have not read.  As a result, I am left with the task of reporting primarily on what I’ve seen in ENDLESS LOVE and not so much as to how it stacks up to its cinematic predecessor of its literary inspiration...

Posted June 27, 2014

22 JUMP STREET  (R) jjj 

A sequel that affectionately celebrates and mocks...sequels

“Just do the same thing you did last last time and everyone will be happy!”  So screams Ice Cube’s hysterically hostile police Captain Dickson to the heroes in an opening scene in 22 JUMP STREET, which is, yes, the sequel to 2012’s 21 JUMP STREET.  You may recall that the first film – which was an affectionate skewering of not only of the 1987 Stephen J. Cannell and Patrick Hasburgh TV series of the same name, but also of the laughable extremes of the buddy/cop action film genre...  

Posted June 20, 2014

CHEF  (R) jjjj 

Cuban sandwich food truck therapy

To many lay filmgoers, Jon Favreau is probably best known for directing big summer blockbusters like the first two IRON MAN films and COWBOYS AND ALIENS.  In my mind, the actor/director was always at his finest in low-key indie fare playing loveable losers that have both everything and nothing to lose.  People seem to forget that Favreau cut his teeth in the industry writing and starring in 1996’s SWINGERS – still, to this day, one of my favorite comedies of that decade...

Posted June 20, 2014

EDGE OF TOMORROW

(PG-13) jjj1/2   

SPOILER ALERT: Tim Cruise dies a lot in this sci-fi thriller

EDGE OF TOMORROW is a new futuristic sci-fi thriller that involves a sniveling and cowardly man that becomes a grizzled and courageous action hero…but only after dying an unfathomable amount of times and replaying the same day over and over again so that he can, in turn, learn from his mistakes...  

Posted June 13, 2014

LOCKE  (R) jjjj 

Tom Hardy's bravura one-man show

Stephen Knight’s LOCKE is some kind of small-scale miracle of a movie.  In an era where films are dominated by ostentatious visual effects and all-out eye-straining overkill, LOCKE emerges as an effective antidote to such commonplace filmmaking extremes.  It’s simply a masterpiece of filmmaking economy...  

Posted June 13, 2014

MALEFICENT (PG) j j

SLEEPING BEAUTY...redux

MALEFICENT is a potentially dramatic re-imagining of the mythology from Disney’s 1959 animated classic SLEEPING BEAUTY.  More or less, it focuses squarely on telling the ageless tale largely from the villain’s perspective, with her back-story fleshed out and expanded upon to allow for us to radically re-reinterpret our opinions of her...  

Posted June 13, 2014

A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST

(R) jj1/2   

Definitely does not contain a million jokes

The new comedy A MILLIONS WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST is Seth McFarlane’s second film behind the camera as director and first in front of the camera in a starring role.  His previous film, 2012’s TED, was a frequently hysterical and endearingly vulgar buddy comedy about the highly bizarre bromance between a grown man and his talking and self-aware teddy bear.  Now, McFarlane seems to be borrowing from Mel Brooks’ decades-old playbook by spoofing the western genre...  

Posted June 6, 2014

UNDER THE SKIN (R) jjj1/2

A seductress that's not from around here

Very few sci-fi films – or films, in general – are as cerebrally absorbing, haunting, and immersive as Jonathon Grazer’s UNDER THE SKIN.  It also belongs on a very short list of esteemed films that capture that ethereally atmospheric Kubrickian quality that so many filmmakers try to achieve, but nonetheless fail at.  UNDER THE SKIN will draw worthwhile comparisons to 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY for the manner it conjures up strange and visually striking imagery, a chilling sense of mood, and an overall narrative that will baffle even the most patient and literate of filmgoers as to its underlining meaning...  

Posted June 6, 2014

FILTH (R) jjj

McAvoy is deliciously vile in this macabre comedy of ill manners

FILTH is such a perfectly succinct title, seeing as it’s an equally perfect embodiment of its main character.  Edinburgh’s Detective Sergeant Bruce Robertson (James McAvoy) is…well...pure filth.  When he’s not habitually abusing drugs and alcohol he engages in sexually abusive flings with women (some as young as 15) and plots the utter occupational destruction of his colleagues as he tries to ascend to the promotion of Detective Inspector...  

Posted June 6, 2014

X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST

(PG-13) jjj1/2    

Wolverine boldly goes where no man...make that mutant...has ever gone before

 

X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST is a true cinematic first.  It’s a sequel to a prequel that also just happens to be a sequel to a sequel.  Now, before you go crossed eyed, this seventh film set in the Marvel Comics mutant universe is a literal follow-up to both 2011’s wonderful X-MEN: FIRST CLASS (the aforementioned prequel to the entire series) and 2006’s somewhat maligned X-MEN: THE LAST STAND, the third film in the original trilogy...

  

Posted May 29, 2014

JOE (R) jjjj   

Welcome back, Nicolas Cage; we missed you.

I don’t think that there is a more schizophrenic actor working today than Nicolas Cage.  For every one of his past superlative performance successes (LEAVING LAS VEGAS, MATCHSTICK MEN, ADAPTATION) there’s been many noteworthy stinkers (BANGKOK DANGEROUS, THE WICKER MAN, TRESPASS, SEASON OF THE WITCH).  Sadly, we have been witness to more egregiously awful Nicolas Cage films/performances as of late than good, but along comes a JOE...  

Posted May 29, 2014

GODZILLA (PG-13) jjj    

"LET THEM FIGHT!"

 

For those of you out there – myself included – that believed that the criminally awful 1998 Roland Emmerich iteration of Toho’s iconic GODZILLA franchise was the final cinematic kick to the gonads of their fandom, along comes Gareth Edwards’ full bodied, lovingly faithful, and - for the most part - exhilaratingly crafted epic that serves as a sincere apology for past misdeeds...

  

Posted May 22, 2014

MILLION DOLLAR ARM (PG) jjj    

Finding Major League baseball prospects in a highly unlikely place

Okay, Hollywood…it’s time to make a stand and take notice of Jon Hamm’s considerable skills as an understated actor and a leading man, because those thankless attributes are all on ample display in MILLION DOLLAR ARM.  The sturdy performer – giving perhaps the most underappreciated performance on TV week after week on MAD MEN – has been rock solid in supporting movies roles (THE TOWN), but now he has a film all to his own to harness his unshakeable charisma...

Posted May 22, 2014

NEIGHBORS (R) jjj1/2     

Gen Y vs. Gen X: Winner take all!!

 

What NEIGHBORS does is not entirely novel (gee, yet another frat house/party comedy and one about warring neighbors to boot) and it’s almost impossible to reflect on the film without pondering past examples of the genre, such as ANIMAL HOUSE and OLD SCHOOL.  Yet, what the film lacks in brazen originality it more than makes up for it in terms of its high and consistent laugh quotient and for the freshness of its approach to the otherwise generic material...

  

Posted May 16, 2014

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT (R) j1/2      

A somewhat awkward, but most awful romcom

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT has many awkward scenes in it…along with cliché-ridden, woefully conventional, and head-shakingly contrived ones to boot.  It’s one of those romcoms that does not so much contain flesh and blood personas as much as it does stock cardboard cut-out character types that all serve the purpose of mechanically propelling the story from point A to B and finally to C...and with startling predictability...  

Posted May 16, 2014

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2

 (PG-13) jj1/2      

A sequel that spins its narrative webs a bit too leisurely for its own good

 

If you pardon the immediate pun, it’s amazing – if not a bit head-scratchingly incredulous - how new sequels commit the same cinematic sins of past sequels, but that’s precisely what THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 does.  This is the fifth film in twelve years involving everyone’s favorite Marvel Comics’ wall-crawler, the second film in the new retrofitted series and the fifth if you include it with Sam Raimi’s original SPIDER-MAN trilogy...

  

Posted May 7, 2014

BRICK MANSIONS (PG-13) 1/2j       

A poor man's DISTRICT B13...borderline destitute

BRICK MANSIONS is one of the most wasteful, wrongheaded, and utterly unnecessary remakes that I’ve ever seen, one that makes you wish that you could snap your fingers in front of the collective faces of its makers to see if they were all awake during the production.  It’s also one of the strangest remakes ever.  BRICK MANSIONS is based on the mostly fantastic 2006 Euro-action flick DISTRICT B13...

Posted May 2, 2014  

THE MACHINE (R) jjj     

An smarter antidote to 'TRANSCENDENCE'

THE MACHINE makes for a highly compelling companion piece to the recently released TRANSCENDENCE.  Both are ambitious cautionary sci-fi thrillers involving the merging of man’s consciousness with artificial computer intelligence.  Whereas TRANSCENDENCE was a big budget studio affair, THE MACHINE is a British film made on the cheap (just under $2 million U.S.)...

Posted May 2, 2014

TRANSCENDENCE (PG-13) jj1/2     

Man merges with machine in dangerously intimate ways

TRANSCENDENCE is one of those rare breeds of modern science fiction films that’s more idea and thematically driven than it is by bombastic action and perfunctory special effects.  It marks the directorial debut of Wally Pfister, the superlative cinematographer that previously worked on the majority of Christopher Nolan’s catalogue of films, and as far as debut features go TRANSCENDENCE is certainly a bold and ambitious work...

Posted April 23, 2014

 

 

 

 

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